Isn't The Wii Suppose To Be Fun?

At the very moment I have a head ache and I just recently got over the feeling of wanting to throw up. I'm not sick. It's from crying. 

After I got out of the shower, I heard my mom and Howard playing wii. After I got dressed and everything, I went out to join. They were playing Tennis. At one point I was laughing while saying "Ha you're losing" to howard. He gets mad over every thing. He's like a little kid. He just stopped and said "I don't even want to play anymore." and so on. Apparently to him that's putting him down, and my mom thinks I was being smart. It's not my fault Howard has to be all pathetic and not be able to act like an adult. 

Then my Mom was in her mood, half yelling at me about how I'm always smarting off and making seem like my fault we weren't having fun. It's always my fault. No matter what it is. At least that's how I feel. I can never make them happy, I always do things wrong, I just feel like such a bad person and a bad daughter.

I had already been crying to myself and then tried to dry it up so I could go throw my trash away and come back, but then that's when my mom started the whole thing about me always smarting off and making me seem like the bad guy, the problem. Then I started crying again and saying I didn't do anything wrong and how everyone always makes it seem like I do, and such. As I was saying something she said "Look your getting smart with me right now!" then I made the remark "No, I'm not! I'm just trying to defend myself I haven't done anything! I never do." 

Well, I guess I was getting to her because then she started crying and asking if I hated her. I really didn't, don't know if I still completely do understand, why she thought that. I said no of course I didn't she hadn't done anything (which I guess she kinda did, but not really! Nothing to make me hate her! Gosh.) We were talking about this, both crying, she thinks I hate her  and said, "What, do you just want go live with your Dad? Is that what you want? I'm just about ready to be by myself again." 

Secretly, I would rather be at my Dad's, but for two reasons I don't. One, I do love my mother very much and I couldn't leave her. I know she really does love me when it comes down to it and that would hurt her too much. and Two, I don't even know if my Dad would want me. 

I just keep it all inside and never let it out.  

So much of the time, I feel unwanted and like a burden. Like above, I feel I can never do anything right. Deep down I know they love me, I just don't feel loved by anyone (well except Austin, but he's my boyfriend, you should feel loved by your own family!)

I don't even want anyone to say anything about this, I just wanted to say it. I don't like talking to people.  

**EDIT**

By the way, my parents really are good to be. I guess it's just more of an I always feel like a disappointment and I wouldn't love myself thing.